i miss looking at the stars with you while you listen to my crap when i feel depressed. and those shoulders i cry on. i miss you 'cause maybe because i really need a hug right now.
when i saw you in that coffin. i was not convinced that it was you, 'cause it wasn't you. then i went back here. during the months that had passed, it still wasn't concrete to me that you're gone. and then december came. your birthday came, and all week i kept on waking up with the thought of you.
i visited you last christmas. happy birthday. boss says you're happy over there. and your mom says the same. they saw you in their dreams. you were smiling and laughing.
and while she was telling me that... i tried reading your name over and over... and looked at your old man's grave plate too to make me believe that it was not just the senior who's gone. you're really gone, huh?
mama still cries when she remembers you, you know that?
i don't know why i'm even writing this. i left you even long before you passed away. i ran away alone from that town like i told you i would. and i never looked back. i've forgotten people and disappeared in their lives. i hid. and i'm sorry... but she told me that you understood.
now that you're gone and i feel crappy sad, i realized, you're one of the few people who understood the hatred and loneliness i feel at times... or on second thought maybe you pretended you understood and hugged me anyway.
i cannot express how i feel right now. i've been staring at ceilings and walls and tears just spill out. and i wish for a moment, i could have someone to hug me.
i hugged me. i hugged a pillow, but its crap.
