When we were 5 years old, they used to ask us what we want to be when we grow up. I remember my classmates writing down that they'd be a doctor or a nurse or a lawyer or an astronaut. Those who wanted to be a doctor or a nurse reasoned that they want to help people who are sick. Those who wished to be a lawyer would help fight injustice. Astronauts, well they want to go to the moon. I wrote down that I'd be a cashier... haha, because of the cash. Haha, I wanted to be rich so I can buy things. Weird, being a cashier doesn't mean I own the money.
Being a doctor didn't cross my mind 'til I was in college. Back in high school, I wanted to be a businessman like my parents. There was this orientation and they introduced psychology. I got interested because at that time, I wanted to understand people who I didn't understand. I wanted to get reasons why they act or behave as they do. So when I was a senior in high school, I applied for business administration and economics in different universities, then I wrote down psychology.
In the end, I opted for psychology. I wasn't really thinking of the future then. I was only after the personal satisfaction of learning and understanding more about people... and myself. They'd ask what I'd do after. I thought of being an industrial psychologist since I also wanted to be a part of that business world. During internship, we had to go through different departments-- guidance counseling in school, HR person in industrial world and a clinical psychologist.
The most exhausting among the three was working in the HR. I enjoyed screening people adequate for the job but I didn't like the office set-up. I didn't want to be confined in a cubicle doing the same thing over and over. I also had fun working in with patients in the community/psych division of the hospital, because we get to talk with people of different wavelengths. Haha... That time, we needed to keep a journal. We had to write the things we did everyday and the lessons we learned.
I remember writing that being a clinical psychologist was the most fulfilling among the three departments, because I get to help people. But in the end, I realized that as much as we would want to help these patients, we are helpless. The most I can offer them is encouragement.. yeah, those little talks with them while doing the psychological tests.. which apparently doesn't help at all pala...
Then came the last year in college. My classmates were applying for medicine, some for masterals. And some of us, made spotaneous decisions... we sent applications too. haha, gaya gaya lang.
During the interview in med school. Dr G asked if it has been my childhood dream to be a doctor. I said it wasn't. And she asked me why I decided to apply, the first thing I thought of was that I wanted to help people in a more deeper way than just helping patients straighten their lives or help them direct into the better paths, that I wanted to have that power to offer them more than just in psychological help... and offer them cure... save lives.
It's just now in my third year in med school that I realized that power is real. I mean, it wasn't just to give them a good reason to hear why they should pick you among the applicants. Maybe, I wasn't really sure if I was talking truth when I answered that...
So here I am, glad that I happened to be in this course ... even if I wasn't sure before. I am priviledged to get a job that saves lives... that's really pretty cool huh? Parang may silbi ako sa mundo. As opposed to being in the office, struggling with the company for good business, I get to have a deeper purpose.. haha..
Sorry I just feel good about myself sometimes. Haha...
