In obstetrics class earlier today, Dr.L was telling us that in a few weeks time, we'll be under the OB-Gyne rotation. And that she's pretty sure we'll not be able to answer why hypervolemia occurs during the 2nd trimester in pregnancy. And she imagined us scratching our heads or lookin up at the ceiling hoping for a lizard to give us something.. Haha...
She didn't stop there. She reminded us to reasses ourselves, and that we can still quit med school.. it's not too late to change paths. Haha. 'cause according to her, we lack focus. We have a lot of distractions which is why our grades are just average to above average... It's not enough. It's time to think again if we really want to be here... otherwise pursue being a writer or being a singer or a dancer or a manager or whatever if that's what we really want.
So for the rest of the day, and during otorhinolaryngology class, when Dr S was talking about how the arytenoids looked like the labia... I was thinking of the years that went by..
First year:
I remember me dissecting a dead tattooed male, skinning him, getting out his hypertrophied heart, trying to memorize every muscle their origin, insertion, action, vascular and nerve supply...
I remember me getting lost over the kreb's cycle, gluconeogenesis, glycogenolysis..which I didn't understand at all...
I remember me freaking out in the physio case con, talking about V/Q (ventilation/perfustion) without any idea of what it was about...
Second year:
I remember me on a practical exam forgetting ancyclostoma duodenale or what was that?...
the the hours spent memorizing drugs their mechanism of action, indications, containdications, adverse reactions, pharmacokinetics, pharmacodynamics... at the central library until the alarms shoo us to go home..
and pretending to understand the complement system... haha...
And I remember me crying at night... and early in the morning... at the middle of the day... in class, in the library... and the the tragic outright failure in parasitology because of focusing too much in getting a passing grade in pharmacology...
Third year... was fun. I am an irregular student... and it twas at this time when I finally realized I like the path I've chosen. Kasi before, I just didn't want to go home to the province yet after graduation, I had to do something... had to study again para di pa umuwi. I applied for MS Clinical Audiology and Medicine. Passed in both, so I had to choose medicine... had to. 'cause they all told me to. I wasn't really sure. Pero go lang. Haha, kaya first day palang I cried agad. I remember that time, Dr D was welcoming the freshmen, telling us of the time we're going to spend with our books and not with people we love.. haha...
So over the next couple of days... and weeks and months, I cried. Wishing that I shouldn't have applied. Grr.. Pero go lang. Pride pushed me.. And to that effect, I never really poured my heart out to studying. I crammed. I take shifting exams without even opening my handouts. Hula hula nalang. So in short, I get to take several remedial exams. Haha...
I passed first year... and I started liking medicine during my sophomore year. Even got excited to wear that V-neck uniform.. but in days when I felt tamad, I get back to telling my classmates that I want to quit school.
Haay... And then came my pharmacology grades... I really needed to focus. So super focus naman ang gaga. I didn't realize my parasitology grade was deep down under na pala. Grr, I wasn't the type kasi who checked every quiz and exam when they post the answer key, so I didn't know my status. Grades were posted late kaya I didn't have the chance to redeem myself for parasitology. Grr.. Outright failure tuloy...
But now, I don't get to take any remedials. My grades aren't tres or 2.75 or 2.5 anymore... haha.. Kaya sometimes, I feel walking a little taller. However, I cannot change the bad record I have. Residency applicant screening is tough daw according to Dr L. They would have to look at your credentials... So what now?
Can't bring that back, can I? That's why I really have to pick myself up. Pakitang gilas nalang... I have to review and be on top of my game. I have to stop being on autopilot...
