we ask questions. and we expect them to be answered. and if they fail us. we try to find answers on our own. only to find out that we would have a dozen more inquisitions. what fuck.
so what's the point in asking when you know he'll not answer? hope?
i feel sick. or am i sick?
symptoms: depressed, chestpains, lump in the throat, loss of appetite.
diagnosis: cardiac problem, esophageal cancer, or both.
what's the point? i don't know either. am just talking to myself. it's better this way. 'cause i know i'm definitely not going to expect responses. it's like talking to a wall, you know it wouldn't answer. but you talk anyway.
so here are thoughts. i just want honesty. what's the point in relationships if one or both weren't honest. so that we'll not go over a fight? maybe. but we do need fights. or do we? or rather we need serious talk. asa!
just be honest with me. it's okay if you'd want to just hang out just be honest with me.
i'm just overreacting. conclude that. in truth, if feelings be the basis. am just hurt. and i don't want to be that irritating and annoying person who'd check on your every move. so i'm keeping quiet. silent cry.
i don't want to be cold either. so i'm thinking of ways.. to make you feel i'm there but not too much in your face. how? i don't know. so i always check (without reference).. if i'm already so in your face, or so far out of reach. i am loving you the best way i know and can. but is my best enough?
i know i'll be staring at nothingness again for sometime. thinking of possible answers. and you'd ask, what am i doing or if i really am like that in the morning.
i wish we could communicate more. we need no elevators. asa! i don't know. loving is listening. loving is communicating. where's the love, man? blab blab blab. i wouldn't want to think you don't care or you don't love me. cause you do tell me you do. but just in case, you just don't know. it's one of the most hurting way to hurt someone.
it's like i'm a fly buggin you. trying to talk and you just wave your hand and you want to squish me, you don't want to talk to me 'cause i'm just a fly. i know, you'll disagree with me on this. 'cause you think otherwise. but this is fyi. that i feel that i'm a big nothing when you don't respond.
what's the point of saying i'm hurt if no one listens. pointless as it seems or as it is. am saying anyway.
i feel tired now. easy fatiguability. its cancer.
