i do love my parents. i do.. i just like to whine sometimes... so don't get me wrong in that previous entry. they're just not the type who shows appreciation or recognition of achievements or things like that. but they support you in what you like, just as long as they agree with what you decide to do.
i pretty much get what i want. like i can have a comp when i demand one, or i am allowed to join an outdoor enthusiast group when i please (with more than enough allowance), i can go out of the house and go to places when i like to... my parents give me enough huh/ more?. and what hurts is that my siblings don't get much as i do. sometimes, they would air these to me... about me being so lucky that i get to do and get things i like, unlike them.... argh...
i don't know... i can't say i control my parents or trap them at some point. but then again, i sometimes kid around my siblings that they just don't know how to deal with my parents, especially mom. hehe... 'diskarte lang yan...'
however, even when i joke with them about that, i hurt inside. am i to blame? maybe, i shouldn't be asking much now, huh?
i'm really torn right now. see, next june, i'm enrolling at a med school. i know this means, my parents will be spending a lot for me. how would my siblings view this now, huh?
ate iris is a pharmacist like my parents. i can't recall if she liked that course before she took it. but i don't think she's enjoying what she does... although she's really trying to because she had no choice (?)... kuya.. well, i see him as lucky. 'cause he was given a store he can manage without much effort. however though, they're pretty much like employees of my parents... i know it's in their hands if they'll progress or aim higher... macky will be taking up pharmacy this june. he says he doesn't have a choice... oh well...
i don't have a point here... i just don't know who else to talk to... about these thoughts... random random thoughts... tears would well up my eyes and i have these chestpains again...
i'm going to enroll at a med school but i don't know if this pleases my parents or otherwise. how are my siblings reaciting on this?
my mom's annoyed at me already. 'cause i'm lost. and maybe the ones i talk to are irritated because i'm undecided. when i try to ask about their opinions they would turn it back to me and say i should be the one thinking. argh...
yeah, i'm not sure if i like to pursue med anymore... but at this point, it seems that i don't have a choice anymore... i'm not sure because of several reasons... myself, myself about toby, my parents and my siblings are issues that run over and over my head.
i like going out, to get myself preoccupied so i would forget these things that make my mind go into wandering again... i go with my ate or kuya, and then with toby... i'm just short of cash now... dammit... labo ng plano din. haay... can't move... i feel like shit... argg... naiinis ako sa sarili ko....
